I feel bad for other people. This is not because they are below me or that I am a better person. I feel bad for other people for the fact that they somehow get blamed for how dissatisfied I am with myself. Let me explain.
In today's world it's hard to not just sit back and absorb the fuckton of information and stimulation floating around our heads. And if you are a social networking/technology whore such as myself this turns into a fuckton of fuckton of information. All day long I read other people's blogs, look at their photos, marvel at theirs drawings, listen to their music, watch their videos, consider their opinions, read their writings, compare their lives to my own. And this is what upsets me. A little voice in my head goes off screaming at me about all the stuff they can do that I can't. All the thoughts they think that I won't. All the opportunities I miss out on that they didn't. And it just plain sucks.
Now if there is one thing I've slowly come to realize is that we humans are more alike then not. If this is true that means most everyone else is feeling this way too. Usually this would come as a comfort to know that you're not alone. Knowing that other people in your class bombed a test that you failed is almost as good as the feeling you get when you get an A. We are social creatures, we don't like to be alone, no matter how much we like dig into are little comfort holes of depression and isolation. But I digress. Usually knowing others are feeling the same as I is a comforting thought, but in this case it's not. Because no matter what I do, I will not be able to convince myself I am as cool/funny/witty/talented/smart/creative/amazing as everyone else around me. And the best part is, that's not even what I want.
I don't want to be able to say, "Wow I'm awesome at ________." That feeling of mediocrity is the fuel that drives us to keep being better. Maybe not everyone needs this, but it does help. Anytime I take a photo I am proud of I will see something that blows mine out of the water (in my opinion) and all I wanna do is top that. And in a way this is very helpful in the long run as my work will get better in someways or at least my experiences will grow. But until I am an old man looking back at my life I won't be able to appreciate all I've seen and done and read and thought. And in a world where I have a 3G Internet connection in my pocket practically anywhere I go I want my satisfaction NOW!
I realize this is a bit insane to wish for as I know the world does not work in such ways. If one of my biggest problems is that I don't think I do enough cool shit then I think I am living a pretty happy and comfortable life. So for now I will continue to feel bad for other people while I silently sit there and hate them for their achievements when all they really deserve is praise for their awesomeness. All I can hope for is that some people hate me for the same reasons.
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I've learned (or at least am trying) to stop comparing and competing with other people. There is always someone who is better than you at anything you can conceive of, and there are people better than those people at different things. Competition for me sets a wrong motive: instead of bettering myself, I just want to be better than someone else. This easily gets into an endless cycle of thinking of things that you're worse at than someone else. It's inspirational, but its cheap and unsustainable inspiration.
ReplyDeleteYou can get your satisfaction now. You can go and do things and be happy that you did them, not happy that you might one day do something "really awesome" that you can reflect on in old age.
Finally, your definition of "cool shit," or really anything else you describe (funny/witty/talented.../etc) is pretty inconsistent between people. While everyone has the desire to become "more" of these qualities, there's no consensus on what really defines these qualities (though we have some abstract ideas). I think its important to define these ideas for yourself and look at ways to achieve them, whether they're consistent with other people's ideas or not.
To conclude: The only competition and comparison you should have is between your actual-self and your imagined-self. Your imagined-self should always shine through eventually.
In response to Peter's second paragraph and fourth combined:
ReplyDeleteI believe that it is our concentration upon the imagined (i call it ideal) self that may rob us of the the satisfaction and self-fullfillment that Peter mentions. Our ideal self is a perfect thing and perfection is always one step further. In other words, our perfect selves are unattainable. This is not to say that we should not strive towards perfection but instead that we should recognize that it is an impossible goal and therefore we should gain happiness out of what we ARE able to do. We do not need to be perfect to gain satisfaction and self-fullfillment.
So, in response to peter's final sentence, I think the effort towards your imagined self is what is important not how close you get to it or not. It's like walking on a never-ending road. Where you are ion the road doesn't matter as long you're doing it.
Word up Danny, you took what I wanted to say with the last part of mine and actually said it. I couldn't figure out how to phrase the fact that the ideal-self is an impossible goal (it's like counting to infinity, you'll never get there but you'll get larger). I tried to express that by saying the ideal-self should "shine through," though its something that can never really be 100% achieved since once you reach a facet of your ideal-self, there's a new concept of the ideal-self to strive for.
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